bankruptcy guilt

bankruptcy guilt
It is a shame when the father asks for child support money back?

This goes along with my earlier questions… the guilt trip I get laid on me because he is broke because he has spent all his money and borrowed from pay day loan places, bankruptcy etc. etc. and he screams and yells for me to give him money back from the child support money… I am even lucky to get any money from him at all.. now it is garnished from his wages … he threatens suicide,,,running on the lam etc. if I don’t give him money… he makes me feel so bad because he always says “if I survive” meaning if I don’t give it to him then and there and he has to go on for another week without cash…
He got himself into this mess… the kids don’t have enough money as it is to cover everything never alone hand it back to him… this is backwards… He relys on me feeling bad etc. in order to keep being his bank and forwarding cash…
Has anyone else had to give money back???

Of course it’s a shame. It’s sad when others are messed up. Especially when it’s someone who your children love and who you used to love.

Is it possible for you to just feel sorry for the guy, help him if you can, but not dwell on it? He’s clearly down on his luck & spiraling out of control. Is whining about it making life any better for you or your kids? What do you want to happen next? Do you want him to just go away & leave you all alone? How will that affect your kids? How will your attitude about him affect your kids?

It seems to really be eating at you, almost like you actually do feel a bit of guilt about the situation that he’s in. In previous questions, you said that you moved away from him & that the debt, depression & downward spiral started after that move. Is there anything you can do to remedy your feelings of guilt about all of this.

Clearly, he is an adult & is responsible for his own actions/reactions, but we all make mistakes, right? And, some people deal with mistakes better than others. During your relationship to him, you must have developed some sense of how he deals with adversity, loss of affection, etc – did you know/suspect/have any idea that this is how he was going to react to your leaving him & taking the kids away?

So, he’s messed up. Just accept it & move on. There’s really not much you can do about his issues besides simply deal with him as your lives intersect & hope that things get better for him, for your kids’ sakes.